i didn't feel like attempting to put something happy in that last post, so it's seperated. I do have a new boyfreind, and he's amazing, but he lives in colorado, it works well, in a sense, gives me space to get over my ex, but still feel and be loved. um, but i don't think i really want space actually, atleast not as much as i have. i really wanna be close to somebody right now, to feel that again. but there is a good chance he is moving to new york, and i may or may not follow, it would be a great place to start a good culinary career, but it'd be hard, and far away from home. , um, i really don't know, but i hope to get a job soon, and save up to visit him first. i really like him. but i really liked my ex too, and you can see how that went

okay sooooo... x.x i don't know why i'm still so damn emotional half the time, i think it's cause everything reminds me of my ex in some way. i can't even look at a violin anymore without wanting to cry. i actually... i got conditioner, cause he needs it for his hair,,, so when he spent the night he'd be able to take showers here without worrying about his hair, stupid huh, oh well... so here i am, almost full bottle of conditioner in my shower... i nearly refuse to take the bus alone, cause it always reminds me of him, when we went to the mall, hell, our first date even, the fact that he broke my heartwhile i was on a bus... so many things make me think of him, and i sorta hate it. it makes it impossible to get over him. almost everyday i hope he'll say he was wrong, that he loves me, that things could be the same, but i know it'd never be that way, and i don't want things that way, not really... i'm so desperately confused. and i don't know wtf is going on and, i'm trying to just be happy you know, but it's hard as fuck. and then everyone complains cause they're lonely, , and i'm there for them, people are sad, i'm there, but when i'm lonely and sad, everyone fucking runs away. i'm tired of always being the guy thats a good freind to everyone, but only has abuot 3 good freinds himself.